Clockwork

Posted on October 22, 2012

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I wrote this a long time ago on MYSPACE and everyone got a kick out of it.  So without further or do, here is clockwork.

Some ask what it is that I do for a job….Being a drumtech for one of the hottest bands on the mid-atlantic has many advantages and no dis-advantages! lol Cause we party like clockwork man….and it doesnt go something like this…it goes exactly like this!

5:30 – 6:30: Shower. Spend 10 minutes fuckin with hair. If all else fails say “Fuck it” and wear a hat. Take 4 shots of Jager. Leave for Luca’s house.

7:00 – 7:15: Arrive at Luca’s. Listen to Luca tell me how sexy he is. Load drums and riser in truck. Tell Luca he needs a new drum coffin. Leave for club.

7:15 – 8:00: Bitch cause we have no cigs. Stop for cigs at royal farms. I brag about girls, Luca brags about bein so fuckin cool. Rant on about how cool Tommy Lee is. Smoke half a pack of cigs. Bitch about everyone bein shitty drivers. Arrive at club.

8:00 – 8:45: Meet up with Geno or Nick. Load in. Set up the riser. Set up the drumkit. Tell Luca he needs a new drum coffin. Luca reminds us how anal he is about how his kit is set up. Luca makes adjustments. Tunes drums. Checks for broken sticks in stickbag. Save broken sticks to throw to chicks.

8:45 – 9:15: Get a crown n ginger from bar. Chat with the sound guy. Tell Geno his beer tastes like laundrey detergent. Go outside and smoke. Piss. Make jokes about Tommy. Bitch that the other guys in the band are late.

9:15 – 9:45: Sean and Josh show up. Load guitars and amps in. Danny shows up. Say we hate putting the banner up. Put the banner up. Banner falls down cause we did a shitty job. Put banner back up. Sound check. Make sure sound guy gets shit right in Luca’s moniter. Get another crown n ginger. Do shot of SoCo n lime with Luca and Geno. Band called to stage.

10:00 – 10:45: Show starts. Watch Luca say how cool he is while hes playin. Suck down crown n ginger. Make fun of Nick for wearing earplugs. Luca signals for a cig. Luca signals he needs vocals. Tell sound guy Lucaa needs vocals. Luca whistles to “What I got” from Sublime. Geno says “after he whistles we’ll go smoke” Order another SoCo n lime with Geno. Smoke another cig. First set ends.

10:45 – 11:15: Joke with Luca for having overplayed the first set. Do shots with Luca and Geno. Do shot of Jager with Danny. Meet with Luca over by bar.   Flirt with the bar waitress. Ask bar waitress if I can grab her ass. Grab Bar waitress’s ass. Geno appears out of nowhere and grabs bar waitress’s ass. Get wink from bar waitress. Smoke another cig. Piss. Try to figure out which bartender has the biggest tits. Band gets ready to start second set. Me and geno look for Luca.

11:15 – 12:00: Second set starts. Watch as everything gets crazy cause everyones been drinkin. Flirt with girls. Try to find the bar waitress that let me grab her ass. Piss. Drink another crown n ginger. Watch as someone spills a drink on the floor. Danny asks if a girl will lick it up. Girl licks alcohol off floor. Go outside and smoke with Geno. Find a hot girl to rub against me. Hot girl found. Dance with girl. Condemplate on licking her across the face. Watch as Danny gets a bottle of Jager on stage. Think to myself that its dangerous. Girls open wide as Danny pours Jager down their throats. Second Set ends.

12:00 – 12:30: Do Kamakazi shots with Luca and Geno. Tell Josh hes the only one in the club that can get away with wearing Old Navy. Piss. Smoke another cig. Danny pours 5 shots worth of jager in my mouth. Jager runs down my face. Girls lick Jager off my face. Me and Danny talk about how much we love Jager and short girls. Danny tells me my ex was really hot. Find Luca. Smoke cig with Luca.  Listen as Luca jokes to everyone how small his penis is.  Luca shows penis.  Flirt with more girls. Ask girl to make out with me. Go make out with girl. Girl buys me shot. Condemplate doing dirty things to girl.  Watch Luca try to dance to rap music. Band gets ready to start third set. Me and Geno look for Luca.

12:30 – 1:15: Third Set starts. Me and Geno flirt with crowd. Luca gets up to sing. Luca calls all girls to stage while I get behind the kit. I play drums to “Somekind of Wonderful” as girls dance everywhere. Luca swings mic around. Mic flies off. Danny gets pissed. Luca gets behind kit again. Drink anotehr crown n ginger. Third set ends.

1:15 – 2:00: Tear down drumkit. Trip over wires. Brag that we drank too much. Bitch the drum coffin is too small. Talk to girls. Get sidetracked. Tear down drum riser. Drink water. Find Luca to pull truck around. Load drum shit in truck. Get paid. Pay bar tab. Tip hot bar waitress. Look for girls. Talk to girls………

What happens after that can either be anything from going home and passing out to very dirty things that we dont talk about on myspace.

And they call this a job?

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Posted in: Music