Emotional Immaturity

Posted on October 10, 2012

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There is a mass difference in this world when it comes to what people perceive to be mature and immature. Most people will look at something and call it immature either because they don’t understand it, are immature themselves or just plain trying to hurt someone in a selfish act of making themselves feel more secure. Im not here to lie, Im not here to bash any one person and Im certainly not here to say that every girl is immature. I am simply here to shed light on the question many guys ask themselves when it comes to a woman’s mysterious and sometimes awful behavior. So where to start…

Have you ever dated a woman who just seemed a little off?

Like she was too much effort?

Like she was involved in WAY too much drama?

Like she was always changing the way she felt about you?

Like she was giving you mixed messages?

Dating and relating experiences like this can really confuse men a lot of times. Not only that, it can really put you off women in general because of how easy it is to assume that all women are the same. Some guys are so in tune with this idea that they believe that woman are just a species that in plain daylight just don’t want to be understood.

Ill share my opinion on the matter and hopefully you can at least learn how to pinpoint an emotionally immature woman and differ those from the ones that act their age. A woman who is actually 35 years old can have the emotional maturity level of a 15 year old. I will also note that emotionally maturity is not entirely dependent on age. There are some younger women out there who are incredibly mature for their age and vice versa. First lets start with what an emotionally immature woman looks like, what she does, and then why she is the way she is.

What would be one defining factor of an emotionally immature woman? An emotionally immature woman doesn’t have the skills or experience to cope with reality. An emotionally immature woman doesn’t understand what boundaries are. An emotionally immature woman doesn’t know where things start and where they should end. She has no coping skills or sense of personal responsibility. For an emotionally immature woman the world simply exists to serve her purposes and whats she wants at the present time. Like a child who screams, cries, and yells to get what they want, so do emotionally immature women. Except they may use their femininity and sexuality as the bargaining chip. Sexual looks, flirtatious smiles, sexual favors, and sex are all tools to get what they want, when they want it. And, you know what? It proves to be effective about 99% of the time. So why would they need to learn anything else?

I do not believe that emotionally immature woman are aware they are even doing these things. She is on autopilot. She is in constant reaction to her emotions to her needs and wants. She is happy if she gets what she wants. She has tantrum if she doesn’t get what she wants immediately. She has limited ability or want to reflect or analyze her actions. In some respects, you cant blame her because she doesn’t know anything else.

Emotionally immature women don’t understand the idea of personal autonomy. It’s for this reason they are more likely to flake on dates and appointments with you. It’s for this reason they may seem so disorganized with their life. It’s for this reason they may feel like a victim rather than the leader and creator of their own life. It’s for this reason why they are likely to blame something outside themselves instead of owning a mistake and then taking positive action to change it. It’s for this reason they may not be able to follow through on their word. They are often pathological liars and crave attention.

So what is an emotionally mature girl?

An emotionally mature woman is in total self control of herself. She has the ability to look at her life, identify her mistakes and learn from them. She can engage in anticipation, humor, flexibility, and adaptability. Simply put, she just rolls with the punches, take things in mutual stride and has the ability to communicate. She can listen, learn, validate, appreciate, and respond to you. It means she can speak up for what she wants, without having an emotional tantrum. So instead of acting upset, she simply states what she wants. She will truly listen to what you have to say and using her own independent mind, come to her own conclusions and then communicate this with you.

A woman can be emotionally immature for a number of reasons. This could be dependent on the way she was raised. Maybe she didn’t have a strong female role model in her life to learn from. Maybe she was nurtured up until a later age in her growing up period and didn’t need to develop these skills. Because there is an inability to process her emotions – there has been no need to process her motions and therefore there has been no real desire to emotionally mature. Women who also get into relationships with men from an early age can also be prone to this as well. Part of emotional maturity is a sense of independence and a sense of self. If they are having relationships with men from a very early age, their sense of self is tied to a man. If this man is no longer in their life or the men in their life are consistently churning, her sense of identity is always unstable and consistently churning, too.

She has no foot holding in her world.

Women who are incredibly attractive may also experience this. Since they have been able to get what they want 99% of the time based on their looks, they have very little in terms of strategies and ways of getting what they want, when their looks don’t work. This is why they go back to brattiness and whining since this was the last conscious memory they recall which also helped them get what they wanted. Unfortunately this is technique that worked better when they were younger.

Again, if 99% of the time their looks are getting them what they want, then there is very little desire or need for them to look at positive alternatives.

With all this said…some words of caution. Don’t always assume that if you are getting mixed signals that the girl is emotionally immature. She may just not be into you! Also note that a woman will always be doing her best to reflect back what you are giving her. Put a woman in front of 10 different men and she may behave in 10 different ways.

So how do guys deal with this? Well, the best part about it is that it is completely your choice. If you are looking for an emotionally mature woman and you have identified she is emotionally immature then don’t continue seeing her. It’s really that simple. You don’t owe it to anyone to continue dating her. In fact by cutting your contact with her you may give her to opportunity to grow up a little. She may be able to take that situation as an opportunity to wake up and truly see how HER actions are driving certain men away.

I personally have chosen to leave them alone. And to not believe (no matter how true or obvious) anything they say because it is all said and done as an act of looking for attention! They say the best ways to deal with emotionally immature women is to assertively place boundaries very early on in your relationship with them. It also involves paying enough attention to pick up on her manipulative techniques and call her out on her games. I used to think by setting boundaries and offering love, support and help that that would change them to be a little more assertive in the sense that they were simply driving me crazy. But they just want to put a defense up and say everyone else is immature rather than themselves through more manipulation. Im not gonna lie, they are very smart and clever. But with all those brains also comes a wealth of stupidity. Because believe or not they get backed up with so much bullshit and lies that eventually it makes them look ridiculous.

And to all you mature woman out there…Bravo! Don’t think for a second that your actions, self security and independent spirit go un-appreciated, overlooked and mocked at. There are plenty of guys out there that defiantly love you for that simple reason. Because no matter how beautiful you look on the outside…an immature personality can make you ugly! Its all you mature woman that are going to read this, maybe smile and move on. The immature girl is going to read this and go whine to everyone about it and make herself a victim. Ask yourself this, if none of this is true about you than why are you putting up a fight in defense? Welcome to my world….where the heart talks, and bullshit walks!

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Posted in: Social Life